My son Nathan, like all of us, wants more control in his life.
Nathan is in elementary school. Sometimes his classmates do elementary-school-kid things, you know, like saying the same word over and over again, or tapping on Nathan’s chair without end. Nathan asks them to stop doing such childish things, but often they keep on doing whatever they’re doing. Sometimes Nathan comes home frustrated because of the lack of control he feels in his life.
When Nathan comes home frustrated, sometimes he has a pretty short fuse. One perceived slight from his brother or his parents and his face turns red with fury. He exclaims that he feels like we’re all trying to drive him crazy, that we’re all out to get him, that we’re trying to make him mad.
I feel like that myself sometimes. Sometimes it feels like everyone is only concerned for themselves, and that they at best ignore me and at worst actively try to frustrate me.
My wife explained to Nathan (and because of my eavesdropping, to me) that she knows how to have the best life, no matter what people do around you. She said that if we do this one thing, then all of our relationships will get better, that we will be happier all the time, and that we won’t feel like people are just trying to drive us crazy.
Nathan and I were both listening breathlessly.
Amy said that, to have the best life, the best relationships, and the best level of happiness, do just one thing:
Believe that people have good intentions and that they are doing the best they can.
If we believe that people have good intentions, the irritating kid that keeps tapping on our chair becomes the bouncy friend who is just trying to have a good time. Maybe he doesn’t have a brother or sister to play with at home, so he really wants to play with…well, anyone.
If we believe that people are doing the best they can, the woman who’s driving like a bat out of hell and cut me off becomes the woman who had to scramble this morning because her alarm didn’t go off. I’ve had mornings like that.
If we believe people have good intentions and are doing the best they can, everyone becomes not an irritating jerk we don’t want to be around, but a person we can relate to. They transform from a selfish, no-good so-and-so to a person with whom we can sympathize, who we can relate to, who is an awful lot like us.
Suddenly the world is not out to get us. Suddenly we have escaped the imagined hounds pursuing us. Suddenly we are free.
May we treat our neighbors like they have good intentions and they’re doing the best they can, and may we relax into the peace we will have created for themselves and for us.
Mundane Spirituality 